Five Things to Do When Happiness Eludes You

Everyone finds themselves feeling down from time to time Usually this is a temporary state that can be changed by taking a walk in nature or by listening to music that uplifts. Some quality time spent with a trusted friend can click us out of a funk. If you find yourself always defaulting to an unhappy state it may be time to consider doing some deeper internal work. The truth is that most people do not default to happy. Surprisingly enough, maintaining an elevated state takes work! That's right, WORK. After a few generations of tribal conditioning, it takes time and focus to create whole new set points in our internal programming. [Tweet "It takes time and focus to create whole new set points in our internal programming"] My family of origin were people with survival in mind. We were conditioned to expect many things: Hardship, yes. Suffering, yes. Struggle, yes. Happiness, no! It was not a flavour that was valued in the family survival program. In my early 20's I married a man who was a closet alcoholic. After a whole decade of crazy, I made the decision to leave the marriage. My baby wasn't even a year old. I didn't have a substance addiction but I knew I didn't have sober thinking either. I was a hot-mess and I had to start from scratch and make myself over. Trust me when I say that if this process worked for me, it can work for you.

Here are 5 things you can do to re-set your emotional anchor

1. Reprogram Your Thinking Thinking and feeling are built in an endless loop. Often an overly-active imagination creates most of our emotional upheaval. If you find that you don't default to happy most of the time, re-programming your thinking is the deeper personal work that will lead to a happier and healthier outlook. Don't wait until you have to do some heavy lifting in your life or you are too stressed out to care. Find a program or day book or a daily process that you can stick to. How long does it take? A lifetime. Elevating the mind is a worthy spiritual practice that is done one day at a time. The more responsibility you carry in life, the more essential this internal practice becomes. 
2. Bubble Up When we live closely with others, it is hard to figure out if it is our stuff, or someone else'. It is like trying to find the non-peeing end of the swimming pool. If you are empathetic or a natural care giver, this will be even harder to sort out. A good mantra is "I am me and he is he". Get some solitude and figure out what is your stuff. Are you acting or reacting? If others are pushing your buttons, what are those buttons and why are you wired so? 
3. Change Your Posture If you look like you are carrying the world on your shoulders, you probably are. Straighten your spine; breathe. Get your shoulders out of your ears and put them down and back where they belong. Sometimes our feelings are locked in with our posture. A yoga, or dance program may be really helpful to unlock our body from a chronic emotional state. 
4. Nourish Mindful eating is an essential factor. While there are many herbs that are helpful for rebuilding our stamina and resilience, the simplest place to start would be a green food supplement. This contains phosphatydl complexes that feed the brain. The other big player for the brain and nervous system is the omega 3-6-9 essential fatty acids. Be prepared to pay a little extra for better quality. You will get better results. 
5. Find someone you trust to work with you Don't suffer further because of a self-imposed isolation.. Perhaps there is a group or program in your area. Thirty years ago I started with a 12-Step group called  'One Day at a Time With Al-Anon'. This first experience really grounded me and helped re-order my thinking.  Later I moved on to contemplative books that engaged me on a day to day basis.

Here is what I do:

I like Sarah Ban Breathnach's 'Simple Abundance - A Daybook of Comfort and Joy'. Regardless of what path you choose, know that day by day, every step of the ladder takes you up closer to the light. Soon you will be living there on a full time basis. If you found this helpful, please share with your friends.